And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
