I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
