Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
