I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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