I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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