So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
