Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
