True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
