I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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