She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
