so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
