Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
