she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
