too bad you live with your parents still
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
