Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
