I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
