put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
