What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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