I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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