FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
