Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh god the rape fog is back!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
