She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Acid is not a monday night drug
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
