I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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