chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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