Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
