I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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