i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize