my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
