She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
