It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize