Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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