Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
