She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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