I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
