When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
