I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
