Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
