I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
