I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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