I bet he comes in French.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
