I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
