I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
