Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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