she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His nipple licking is glorious
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