P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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