i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
