on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
