Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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