i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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