he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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