That's intense
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
