His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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