HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
