I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
