I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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