He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
