how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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