So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
