Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
