It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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