I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
