something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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