1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
