Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
