I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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