I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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