This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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