the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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