Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
